Having something to say...

Ok… so it’s been a long time since I’ve written my thoughts down on paper. Part of the reason I haven’t been writing is because I’m scared. I’ve realized that people make judgments about who you are when you open up and share your thoughts on pen and paper. They can analyze you and criticize you.

Another reason I haven’t been writing is because I haven’t had anything to say. Growing up, surviving my teen year, I never lacked things to say. In my infinite wisdom I would criticize people and tell them how to live because I had determined, and was thoroughly convinced, that I knew what I was talking about. That kind of pride was hurtful, dividing, and eventually caused me to alienate people from my life, or to be alienated.

If I could rewind the clock, knowing what I know now, I’d bite my tongue more than a few times. Needless to say…I’ve changed in the last 6 years of my life.

So on one end I’m a bigoted teen who knows everything and on the flip side I’m a timid adult who realizes how little he truly knows. Irony.

But I think it’s time to try something new. I think that I’ve learned a thing or two over the past 6 years and I truly believe that thoughts can be redeeming. People can see a heart that is longing for change, longing for redemption and longing for something better. That’s where I’m at today as I’m typing away. I’m humbled.

I can only take these thoughts in one at a time so you can expect follow up to this brief preface.

Haiti

Bear with me as I write this; articulating what I have seen, how I have been changed, what I learned, and where I go from here wont be easy. Just a warning, it probably wont be easy to read either.

The Country:

Haiti is a country that is oppressed by unimaginable poverty and devastation from the earthquake. A lack of strong leadership/government, any type of infrastructure and minimal education has left Haiti a seemly lost cause. However, with a beautiful savior and the brilliant hope he ignites, Haiti is not a lost cause.

The Lord says in Isaiah 41:17: “The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst. I, the LORD, will answer them Myself, as the God of Israel I will not forsake them.” Just a thought.

As you drive through the streets you cannot escape destruction. Whether you look right or left you see trash, collapsed buildings, and people who are suffering from disease and malnutrition.

The specific area we worked in is called Cite Soleil. This area is generally considered to be one of the poorest and most dangerous slums in the world. As you drive into Cite Soleil your emotions begin to stir (and you thought the rest of the city had already been wrecking emotional havoc on you). You see unclothed children wandering the streets seeking any kind of nourishment or escape. You see stagnant water (filled with trash, urine, feces, etc.) surrounding the small poorly constructed shacks where the people live. You see canals filled with trash that has turned black.

The People:

I cannot possibly describe these people. 1 Peter 4:8-11 does a pretty great job however…

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen”

If I were to sum up the people in Haiti I would simply point you to these verses. During the 11 days I spent in Haiti, I repeatedly/daily experienced and witnessed those people love on each other, serve one another and speak edifying biblical truths to one another.

As we interacted with the people I could see Jesus in them. Our hosts served us tirelessly. They cooked, cleaned, laughed, cried, worshiped, fellowshipped, etc. with us.

Often while at the job sites we would be offered some sort of meal (usually consisting of rice and beans). We saw this as a great opportunity to be thankful and share the meal with others. We would usually eat about half of the food (in an effort to be respectful) and then hand off the plate to a group of malnutritioned children who had come to the site to be with us.

The children would sit in a circle and share the food equally. They did not have to be monitored. I would usually sit back and watch them in admiration. One child would hold the plate and spoon. He/She would take a scoop and serve it to each child before taking a bite for himself/herself. What a great example to me. It broke my heart. It drew me to tears as I sat by myself later on in the evening at times.

The people working with us on the projects would work earnestly beside us. They did take great joy in saving the biggest rocks and biggest buckets of concrete for Nate and myself. We didn’t mind at all. ☺

Overall the people rocked my world and broke my heart.

The Projects:

We worked on two churches that had been completely destroyed when the earthquake hit. One of the churches (Pastored by Deuifort John) congregation had grown from 100 to over 250 people since the earthquake. It was awesome to see the church stepping up and providing the most crucial need to the people.

We mainly were doing footings for the walls that were going to be constructed by future crews. This involved digging, moving some serious rocks, mixing a substantial amount of concrete and tying a lot of ribar. By the end of the week we (collectively) had made a substantial dent in the building process.

The Group:

The group that I went with was amazing. Each person contributed and had so much to offer. We had many stimulating conversations throughout our trip. We challenged each other’s thinking and often shared what the Lord had been teaching us through his word and through our experiences. We had a ton of fun too. ☺

Quick Side Note:

I don’t want this letter to weigh heavy and ignore all of the fun we had. There was a significant amount of joking, laughter, delicious food, fun new experiences, etc. I just want to make sure you sense the urgency I feel in telling you what I’ve learned. Although I had a blast, I was changed.
My Broken Heart:

This trip did a number to me. As I attempted to journalize what I had learned each night, at times, I was simply at a loss for words. It brought me to tears thinking of how self-absorbed I have been throughout my life. I have taken almost every blessing for granted. I grumble about the lamest things. I live in fear of the unknown and clung to security and comfort. I have wasted resources, money, opportunities, etc.

Me stating these things isn’t to beat myself up, however, I think it’s important to emphasize these things because it, on an even greater level, shows how much my eyes have been opened.

I have always been one of those guys who likes having some sort of a plan, likes kinda knowing where I’m going in life, and would get freaked out at the thought of doing something extreme like being a missionary. I always thought people who left everything to go to a poor country, where they cant even speak the native language, were crazy. Sure I admired them but I thought there were crazy.

I’m a police officer. I go to work, work really hard, and then go home and enjoy life. I go to a great church weekly. I have good friends. I have a nice car. I live in a beautiful city. I eat well (as evident in my lil belly I sport occasionally). I drink bottled water regularly. I kinda like life just like it is. But now I’m realizing how much I’ve been missing out on.

I have been scared to surrender to the Holy Spirit and to legitimately offer myself as a living sacrifice to do His will (no matter what the cost). Isn’t it so true that if we actually ask the Holy Spirit to have His way in us, He may ask us to do something we do not want to do or at least are extremely uncomfortable doing? If we move forward with life and don’t ask that question we in some way maintain some sort of control of our lives huh? We love on people when it’s convenient, we go on trips if they’re only for a comfortable amount of time, we sign a quick check to a missions organization to alleviate our potential convictions, etc.

To be concise, I want the Holy Spirit to have more of a say in my life; a complete say in my life. This could have huge connotations. I’m open to it now. It’s crazy how a short trip can allow the Holy Spirit to penetrate and completely change you.

I’ve rambled long enough.

Love,

Ben

Treasure

So last night I went to my church with gage, liz, and nathan. It was really cool to go with people I know because so often I kind of get lost in the crowd at my church. I really love the church because they pray fervently, worship wholeheartedly and speak the truth about Jesus and his worth so joyfully!

Last night Pastor Mark preached a message that really challenged me. It left me at the end of the service wanting to raise my hand, along with others, and respond to his challenge to re-evaluate the worth I place in/on Jesus. In fact it challenged me that maybe I have taken advantage of (or for granted) the treasure I found in Jesus when I accepted Him years ago.

We've been learning about parables. Parables were Jesus' way of speaking truth to people who didn't know how to hear truth.

Anyways....last night we talked about the parable of the laborer who discovered great treasure hidden in the ground while he was working in the field (Matt. 13). When he struck gold (literally) he bolted into town, sold everything he owned, went to the person who would distribute land and bought the plot of land. The point pastor Mark emphasized in the parable was the man's recognition of the value of what he had found and his eagerness to take possession of the treasure once he had found it. He didn't lackadaisically continue on with his day; assuming he could always return some other day and possibly find it again. He immediately took action. He may not have been the most educated person, assuming he was a day laborer, but he was able to assess the great worth of what he had found and it became his priority; he was willing to give up everything to obtain it.

Similarly the parable immediately after talks about a merchant, who we can assume was educated and knew what he was doing, who went to market and found the most amazing and valuable pearl he had ever come across in all his excursions. Upon discovering the pearl he went out, sold everything he owned and purchased the pearl. Just like the laborer who found the treasure in the field the merchant was earnest, once he had found the item of great worth, to obtain it.

Both parables emphasize the joy both men had after they had found what they recognized as something of great worth. To both of the men the business venture they made may have been difficult; selling everything you own for one large investment would be hard. In business it might even seem foolish to invest solely in one venture. The cool thing is that neither of these men appear to be hesitant at all about their investment. They understood that though they were giving up everything...they were gaining something far more precious.

Finally Pastor Mark hit on the point that literally broke my heart. Cost is only viewed as sacrifice when I don't believe in the value of the treasure. Sometimes the Christian walk seems so haaaaaaaard. When I say hard imagine me groaning as I say it. It seems haaaaaard. Imagine me kind of whining (if you know me this shouldnt be super hard to fathom). Deliberately choosing Jesus, whom I have acknowledged as the treasure, and giving up everything for Him feels haaaard. But when you realize that Jesus is a treasure, when you realize that He is worth everything, the only response you can muster up is joy. Living with, and for, Jesus only feels like sacrifice if I fail to realize the joy of His great worth.

Anyways...I dont want to get preachy. I could care less about preachy these days. What I really want to get across is that I want to change my perspective. Jesus is soooo valuable and when I wake up every day he deserves worship (pastor Mark described it as worth-ship: declaring Jesus great worth) and as I slowly die to me I slowly realize that He's worth everything.

Whelp.... I hope I didnt dive to deep with my first meditation but I literally could not hold it in when I heard this message. It was so applicable because lately I think by relationship with Jesus has seemed so haaaaard because I have misplaced my priorities and overlooked the treasure of Jesus.

Peace Ya'll! :) Love you all---whoever you are.

Here's the link if you wanna listen to his message. I strongly encourage it. http://www.northcoastcalvary.org/?audio

Will this really work...?

Hey everyone....or right now probably no one. I cant even count how many blogs I've visited that hadn't been updated in months or years. I dunno if I'm diligent enough to maintain it either...but I'm willing to take a stab at it.

Here's my philosophy...

When I was a young child (this pretty much encompasses all of life until I moved away from Brentwood for college) I was pretty argumentative about my beliefs and convictions. Those times make me shutter now. I don't want to be that way. So just to be clear...that is not why I'm creating this blog....I'm writing thoughts down to think out loud in a way and to get peoples opinions and feedback. Much more constructive :)

A thought, musing or meditation is coming soon..... :)

Adios!